Return Of The Mack

Every now and then, Trent emails me about his day-to-day struggles as a single man in a backwards-ass town.  “Correspondence Of Steel” is where I post them for you all to enjoy:

Dude!!!

Went to a Halloween party on Saturday, good times, it was like every girl there was trying to out-tramp one another.

So, I’m dressed as a depressed stock broker; didn’t shave all week, shirt half untucked with a loose tie and a noose around my neck.  Good costume in my opinion, but it was a little too thought-provoking for the crowd so I had to explain it to everyone (despite the copy of the Wall Street Journal CLEARLY sticking out of my back pocket).

Anyway, the night is winding down and I’m standing at the bar (at this point loaded enough not to care but still able to remember stuff) and this girl dressed in a Twister mat walks up to me.

TWISTER GIRL: What are you dressed as?
ME: I’m a depressed stock broker (I proceed to explain)
TG: Oh, that’s cool.  What a neat idea.
ME: Thank you.  [SMALL TALK] Did you have a good time tonight?
TG: Yeah, but my friends cock-blocked me.
ME: … What?
TG: I was trying to get laid but my friends wouldn’t let me leave with [SOME DUDE].  I’m bummed.  Girl’s just trying to get some action!
ME: Hmmm… Well, for what it’s worth, I would totally have sex with you.  You’re cute and I’m all for no commitment sex with strangers.
TG: Oh, um, thanks.  I’ll be home again next weekend…
ME: Well, that’s all well and good but next weekend isn’t going to get either of us laid tonight.  My friends and I are about to head to The Club, would you like to join us?  We could totally have some sex later!
TG: Oh, I can’t.  My friends won’t let me go.
ME: OK, well I’m leaving.  It was nice to meet you.

And then I just walk away, only to awkwardly stand around for 10 minutes while my dumbass friends get their shit in gear.

Good times, dude, good times.